The 3 climbers
The 3 Climbers
One day, there are 3 people who love going on
hikes. They go hiking in forests, climb slippery or rocky mountains and thought
that their hikes were too mainstream. So they decided to climb Mount Everest
without telling anyone as they know it would be dangerous.
They started climbing up the
mountain ‘till dawn. They were about to take a rest when suddenly, one person
from those 3 fell. He was lucky though. He was saved by a ledge-like thing that
made him survive. He was helped by his two friends. He then tried to stand up
but he felt a pain across his legs. His bone was fractured. He can’t walk no
more. His two friends helped him out to a flatter surface and laid him down and
they three spent the night freezing to death they kept trying to light a match
they brought but it was no use. The big wind keeps blowing out the fire they
lit. They kept trying to light it up as it helps on melting the snow around
them. As they are so tired, they took a nap when the temperature dropped. The man
who fractured his bone fell ill. They tried to contact everyone they know but
obviously there weren’t any signals. They continued to light the match. It didn’t
work until the last match stick. “It turned on!” cried one of the man and they
three tied to block the wind from blowing it out. The fire grew bigger and
bigger. They then heard a deafening roar in the midst of the air causing those
three men to cover their ears. Slowly, the roar gets louder and louder and then
they saw a helicopter coming towards them. The two man jumped up and down and
quickly helped the ill man to get on the helicopter.
I think that in this post, there are still a lot of errors in the sentences you made. Also, you can look more to your tenses because there are still errors in the past tenses too. The flow of the story is smooth. I like the way that you put the events in the story because it can be understand well. Overall, you did a great job!
ReplyDeleteI think this story is understable enough. I like the way you describe the situation. There are some mistakes in tenses. To make a better story, you must improve your skill in grammar. Good job! :)
ReplyDeleteI think the story is good. You managed to use many replacement words and your vocabulary skills. The only thing is that your tenses in the first paragraph are different with the other paragraphs
ReplyDeleteYour composition is great but i think you should be more constant with the tenses and add some pictures
ReplyDeletethis is a great story! but, there are some grammar mistakes and you can be more confident with the tenses.keep improving alyssa!
ReplyDeletethis is a great story! but, there are some grammar mistakes and you can be more confident with the tenses.keep improving alyssa!
ReplyDelete